BY STAFF WRITERS

The Aussies are on tour, baby. Yep the Kangaroos are over in England ahead of the Four Nations opener against Scotland this weekend. At The81stMinute, it’s our job to pick the most respectable… ah who are we kidding?

Here’s the Australian side we’d pick!

1 Josh Dugan
– Tattoos: There’s nothing like all the boys getting some ink to remember the trip. Southern Cross on the arse cheek is the early favourite.
2 Joel Monaghan
– Additional Pet Bonding: All players are allowed to bring their pets on tour except for the Bondi lads Jake Friend (who owns a Chihuahua) and Blake Ferguson (poodle). If Gowie’s trouser snake is seen during the trip, please keep it away from the bar.
3 Jarryd Hayne
– CFO: Has plenty of coin, even more than the Johns boys. At any point in the day, a player can request some cracker on tick. Minimum amount of $5000.
4 Blake Ferguson
– Pub crawl planner: Fergy is in charge of selecting venues. Keep it classy Blake.
5 Wendell Sailor
– Lines: Running lines in attack is one of the most vitally important things a ball runner needs to think about. A good line can make all the difference.
6 Matt Johns
– Group activities: There’s nothing like bringing the fellas together through a bonding experience. Medieval cosplay is great fun but never cross swords.
7 Andrew Johns
– Tour advisor: The King. The Immortal. Joey has final say on any dispute or deciding who won Mark Geyer and Andrew Fifita’s last knuckle-up.
8 Andrew Fifita
– Social affairs: Every tour needs an academic that can delve through the social divide of player and community.
9 Jake Friend
– Sandwiches: The rookie. Due to his experience in a coffee shop, sandwiches and lattes can be requested at any time. Jake has three minutes to present the request. If he doesn’t make the three minutes, Geyer is allowed to deck him.
10 Willie Mason
– Big Mase is in the Tour Hall of Fame with Joey, MG and Smithy. Mase can do as he pleases including belting Jake Friend if MG is on the cans somewhere else.
11 Mark Geyer
– Putting the fear of God into Friendy.
12 Jason Smith
– The All-Rounder: Smithy is a bit like The Godfather’s Consigliere. In more bitter disputes, Joey can go to Smithy as an additional vote.
13 Greg Bird
– Security Detail: It’s Birdy’s job to liase with security at all venues to make the night go as smoothly as possible.

 
14 Craig Gower
– Movies and Entertainment: Gowie has the right to overrule all movie selections by the boys. Some of Craig’s favourite flicks include Caddyshack, Caddyshack II and Happy Gilmore.
15 Nate Myles
– Toiletries: Nate must share his Portaloo with all teammates.
16 Dave Taylor
– Dave is only allowed to eat from the five major food groups. What Dave doesn’t know is the team knows that Dave thinks the five major food groups are Macca’s, KFC, Hungry Jacks, Pizza Hut and Oporto.
17 Todd Carney
– Hydration: Todd is in charge of keeping fluids up at all times – no matter the cost.