BY KANE AUSTIN

The NRL Grand Final is this Sunday – how bloody good is that!

While the action on the field is going to be pulsating and thrilling until the final moments, entertaining your guests is just as important. If you’re one of those that have invited friends and family over for the big dance, you must abide by these commandments. Stick solid to these instructions or face an NRL grand final day nightmare.

Keep clear of the bandwagon AFL bloke:
Every group has ‘em. That mate whose been a league fan his whole life but suddenly becomes an expert of the other game at finals time because he’s been to St. Kilda once. And when he’s not spending his time drinking craft beers and spruiking his new flat in Glebe, he’s probably reminding everyone how good the “Swannies” are. Brush him. Move him along. Nobody has time for that.

The newly-single loose cannon:
Beware the early starter and be doubly aware if he’s just split from the missus. If he’s there with two bottles of Jack and you haven’t even had time to roll the barbecue out of the shed, then you’re in for a big day. By kick-off, he’s probably going to be absolutely munted and braining you to let him bring over some friends off Tinder.

Your mother-in-law:

Does not need to be there. For any reason. Her absence should have already been spoken about with your partner.

The Queenslander that’s never been to Queensland:

He was born in Sydney. Played at the local footy club. Went to your school. But old mate still goes for the Broncos and the Maroons at Origin time. So guess who he’s going for on Sunday? Well the Storm have Smith and Cronk so off course he’s backing Melbourne. What a dropkick. Bombard him. Make him wish he was never born.

Keep your mate away from the BBQ:
It’s your barbecue for a reason and there’s always one or two who think they have the right to touch it. Back away from the six burner, mate.

Kids:
Take a survey earlier in the week. It’s either all-in or no kids at all. Generally speaking, grand final day is better spent without those pesky little bottom feeders. You want a relaxed environment so if the neighbours decide to bring their little bundles of joy over and there isn’t another kid in sight, move them through the house to the backyard and straight back out the side gate.

Ice:
Two bags from each guest should be sufficient. No South Sydney supporter jokes here, unfortunately.

The guy with no grog:
Usually the first one with his hand in the fridge but fails to bring any of his own. A nice little get square for him is a full day of choirs. Like fulfilling all requests for drinks service.

Grand final is show time:
Once the referee blows the whistle for kick-off, that’s it. The game takes priority over guest requests or any queries your other half may have. All questions can be evaluated and discussed at half-time with an option in your favour.