BY CURTIS WOODWARD

@woodward_curtis

The year 2019 has been something else. Most of it forgotten as it always tends to go. But some of it has been downright funny. Sometimes sad.

Let’s have a look.

KALYN PONGA AND HIS STRAWBERRY THICKSHAKE

You are the biggest name at the Newcastle Knights and your coach has just been sacked. The media asks you where you were when you heard the news. Option A: Express your sadness that the bloke that you’ve worked closer with than any other has been given the flick and you wish him well… or B: “I was at lunch having a nice strawberry thickshake, so I wasn’t too sad.”

LAUGH OR CRY: LAUGH

What were you thinking KP? But seriously, don’t be a dick.

NAS HITS THE NOS IN BALI

We’ve all seen the footage. The gigantic Nelson Asofa-Solomona running through Bali like Hulk Hogan, eating his vitamins and saying his prayers. Not a good luck but what’s a brother meant to do?

LAUGH OR CRY: MEH

Who wouldn’t want a mate like Nelson?

‘KANGAROO’ SAM BURGESS AND HIS COURT

Sam Burgess has a point. The judiciary system is all over the place. The big fella had been treading a fine line on the field for a while but that’s how he played. Anyone that says they didn’t enjoy watching Sam play is a liar. Then he made some comments that echoed the public’s sentiment after pulling someone’s hair or a squirrel grip or a gouge…whatever. Perhaps he knew his time was coming to an end so, ‘who gives a shit?’

LAUGH OR CRY: LAUGH

On ya Sam.

SPONSOR TRIES TO WEASEL OUT OF TITANS DEAL

Gold Coast Titans captain and proud indigenous man Ryan James was given the honour of doing the ‘Welcome to Country’ at the grand final and he done a bloody great job. At the end, he lost his place and admitted as much in front of 80,000 fans and millions on television. The ANZ Stadium crowd went with it and cheered him on. Nobody at home really cared either. Until Gold Coast’s “loyal” local company TFH Hire announced they were pulling their 2020 sponsorship of the Titans due to James’ “embarrassing” and “offensive” speech. Idiots.

LAUGH OR CRY: LAUGH

The company backtracked and reaffirmed their sponsorship of the club. How’s that guy at TFH going now? Google it.

KEVIN WALTERS AND THE COACH WHISPERER

It feels like an eternity ago but remember Queensland coach Kevin Walters and his players refusing to mention ‘the other team’ before and during the Origin series? How did that go for ya?

LAUGH OR CRY: LAUGH

Whisper on.

BRONCOS GET THE FEATURE

News came out after Brisbane got hammered and eliminated by the Eels in the first week of the finals that they were out the night before ‘playing the pokies’ at a Parramatta pub. Really? Who cares?

LAUGH OR CRY: LAUGH

It’s up to them but maybe stay in your rooms next time, fellas.

FIFITA THE SECURITY GUARD EATER

You’re an idiot.

LAUGH OR CRY: CRY

You’re an idiot.

MATTERSON ONE-AND-DONE AT WESTS

Ryan Matterson was a bench player at the Sydney Roosters and wanted to be a starter. He signed with Wests Tigers and had a breakout year in 2019. Then it began. We’ve heard it all before. Now Matterson is at Parramatta. We’re sick and tired of players and their managers holding the game to ransom.

LAUGH OR CRY: CRY

It would be great to see Wests Tigers and Parramatta on equal points going into the final round of 2020 and see Wests Tigers slip into 8th and hand the Eels the 9th Place World Heavyweight Championship.

SEX AND THE PITY

Leaked sex videos. Phones. Football players. Keen women. Not so keen women. What could go wrong?

LAUGH OR CRY: CRY

Less said the better.

LEILUA HAS THE FIRE IN HIS EYE

Who remembers Ian Rubin’s entrance on The Footy Show back in the late 1990’s when half his arm got burnt off by pyro? Now let’s add a live crowd and a blockbuster clash at AAMI Park in Melbourne. That’s what happened to Canberra’s Joey Leilua after he was hit by fireworks in the face running out onto the field for the playoffs match.

LAUGH OR CRY: LAUGH

Thankfully BJ was fine and the Raiders went on to win the game.

DUDE WHERE’S MY CAR?

Nene McDonald had some issues before he got to North Queensland from the Dragons but this was next level stuff. Days after pleading guilty to driving offenses, the big fella went on a bender on Magnetic Island and hired a car. Which he abandoned. He then went on a holiday in Italy.

LAUGH OR CRY: CRY

Yeah not good mate.

LET’S GO VEGAN, BOYS

Some will argue Darius Boyd is Brisbane’s worst ever captain. Some might also agree that the club is battling despite scraping into the finals. Now, apparently skipper Darius wants his team to go vegan like him.

LAUGH OR CRY: LAUGH

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

THE MEDIA

Some of the nonsense coming out of reporters the last few months has been ridiculous. The fans are over it. This isn’t New Idea.

LAUGH OR CRY: CRY

Have some respect for yourselves.

Honourable mentions: Taking a knife to church, Paul McGregor still coaching the Dragons, Seibold’s ‘Keary defence’ of Darius Boyd.

@woodward_curtis